Formspring

So in case you have been dead for the last week or two, let me first take a minute to explain Formspring to you before I talk about how it is the worst thing ever. BASICALLY you get to anonymously ask anyone with a Formspring account any question you want. The anonymous part (unfortunately) totally works. You question is then sent to their inbox and then the person chooses if they want to answer it. If they do, it is posted on their profile. If they don't choose to answer the question then it is deleted and goes unanswered and unacknowledged.

As any perfectly self-disciplined and self-respecting individual would assume, Formspring is primarily used as an opportunity to be an anonymous asshole. Even I have found myself amazed by what I am willing to say to people on Formspring. I am not a cyber-bully (though, since those Chanel 1 commercials about cyber-bullying in junior high school, cyber-bully has been a title I have been anxiously waiting to earn), but I have said things to people that I would never say to them on Facebook and certainly would never even nightmare of saying to them in real life. I mostly just use Formspring to confess sexual interest in people. Which is terrible. I know. I'm going to Hell but oh well.

Letter to the innocent

Dear GirlIaccidentallyranintotodayatschool,
I am sooooooooooo sorry for running into you today! I don't know what I was thinking. Next time I am turning a corner, instead of not looking out for other people not looking out for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner, I will look for other people not looking for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner. How very inconsiderate it was of me to turn that corner at such a pase to get to my next class on time... I was going way too fast. I guess I am just a fast person, you know? I love running and speeding and just everything that has to do with going fast. And to think I interupted your conversation... I really do not know how I will be able to live with myself.
So so so so so so so sorry,
Alec Steinmetz

Popelicious

I think you should know that I will be co-pope someday. 'Co-pope' because two is better than one (and I think it was originally my friend Jessie's idea so I'll take what I can get) and 'someday' because I have better things to be doing right now.
So the idea came from Angels and Demons. Basically we realized that we both realllllllly want to have a job someday that involves wearing a kick-ass hat like the pope. To my knowledge, pope is the only job that allows such a thing. Thus, we have no choice but to become popes. Co-popes. Because revolutionizing Catholisism is what we are about.
Gay marriage? Yes.
Abortion? Yes.
Drinking? Yes.

You have been warned.

MY SOUL MATE WHAT WHAAAAAAT

MY SOUL MATE WILL:

• spell the word 'okay' out. (Not 'ok' or 'kk' or (the worst) 'k')
• love the movie Superstar.
• not be a musical prodegy but will also not be musically retarded. My Soul Mate will actually not be retarded at all.
• have white teeth and clean hair.
• be a liberal if not a socialist.
• go to IU?
• move to Miami with me. (NOTE: no question mark. This is a must.)

I GET IT

I totally understand why bloggers come off as so arrogant. It's because blogs are only done on the assumption that people are reading them. Sorry, but chances are no one is reading your blog. I know this is true about mine too, though, so don't think I'm an ignorant ass wipe. I'm actually a very clever ass wipe. Also maybe it's the fact that 'bloggers' comes up as misspelled in Spell Check. Dear Spell Check, What is the plural form of 'blogger'? Bolggi? Bloggia? Bloggeries? Blog loggers? Bloggercians? Simply, people who blog? Who knows. I think I have nothing else to say for now.
Later haters. Keep the hate up.

Andy Warhol: My New Best Friend

When most people hear the name Andy Warhol, they think of Campbell's Tomato Soup cans. This pisses me off. The following are quotes from Andy Warhol and each one is hilarious, insightful, and borderline sexy:

1. I breach what I preach more than I practice it. So true, Mr. Warhol. So true. I think everyone should know this. It's true about everyone so yeah. And it is just clever. I think I want to be just like him when I grow up.


2. I think I am missing some chemicals and that is why I have this tendency to be more of a-- mama's boy. A-- sissy. No, a mama's boy. "A butterboy." I think I'm missing some responsibility chemicals and some reproductive chemicals. If I had them I would probably think more about aging the right way and being married four times and having a family-- wives and children and dogs. I am immature but maybe something could happen to my chemicals and I could get mature. I could start getting wrinkles and start wearing my wings. Home run, Andy. Story of my life. No joke. Who wants to be tied down to women or children or dogs?! Not I. And it's not how I was brought up or the community I live in... it's my chemicals; I was born this way, I'm having a damn good time, and I'm happy. I wish I could meet him.


3. The best time for me is when I don't have any problems I can't buy my way out of. Straight up clever. What a role model for amazing persons like myself and anyone cool enough to read this blog (which is currently my ONE follower which is my mom who doesn't even blog... she made an account so she could follow mine. I think I have really made it in life.)


4. Cash. I am just not happy when I don't have it. The minute I have it I spend it. And I just buy STUPID THINGS. Amen- all I have to say.

As one can see, Andy Warhol was amazing. I would have voted for him for president and I think that's the biggest compliment you can give a person in this day and age.

Imagination?

I have never actually been completely drunk before but this is what I hope being drunk is like:

I hope all men start to resemble David Hasselhoff.

I hope all women start to resemble a combination or my sister's puppy and, well, David Hasselhoff.

I hope all of the colors are more beautiful than they are when they are sober. That way, when you throw up all over everything, it just smells bad and you don't realize you're ruining all of your shit untill the next day when you're hungover and cleaning your hot mess self up.

I hope cats are nicer when you're drunk. Cats kind of suck when I'm not drunk sooooo yeah...

I hope police men aren't total dicks to drunk people. I know that's pushing it, but I am going to be so worried about the wrath of my mother when I am drunk that I'm not going to want to worry about some stranger trying to get me to confess to all of the fun I was having.

I hope my friends are drunk too because I don't want to be the only one to get in trouble. Sorry, guys.

So, you know what's funny? I don't really plan on ever getting drunk. Yes, I am in high school and I'd be lying if I said I have never even gotten tipsy buuuut we will save that story for another time and I'll be done with this post.
Later, bitch tits.