Formspring

So in case you have been dead for the last week or two, let me first take a minute to explain Formspring to you before I talk about how it is the worst thing ever. BASICALLY you get to anonymously ask anyone with a Formspring account any question you want. The anonymous part (unfortunately) totally works. You question is then sent to their inbox and then the person chooses if they want to answer it. If they do, it is posted on their profile. If they don't choose to answer the question then it is deleted and goes unanswered and unacknowledged.

As any perfectly self-disciplined and self-respecting individual would assume, Formspring is primarily used as an opportunity to be an anonymous asshole. Even I have found myself amazed by what I am willing to say to people on Formspring. I am not a cyber-bully (though, since those Chanel 1 commercials about cyber-bullying in junior high school, cyber-bully has been a title I have been anxiously waiting to earn), but I have said things to people that I would never say to them on Facebook and certainly would never even nightmare of saying to them in real life. I mostly just use Formspring to confess sexual interest in people. Which is terrible. I know. I'm going to Hell but oh well.

Letter to the innocent

Dear GirlIaccidentallyranintotodayatschool,
I am sooooooooooo sorry for running into you today! I don't know what I was thinking. Next time I am turning a corner, instead of not looking out for other people not looking out for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner, I will look for other people not looking for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner. How very inconsiderate it was of me to turn that corner at such a pase to get to my next class on time... I was going way too fast. I guess I am just a fast person, you know? I love running and speeding and just everything that has to do with going fast. And to think I interupted your conversation... I really do not know how I will be able to live with myself.
So so so so so so so sorry,
Alec Steinmetz

Popelicious

I think you should know that I will be co-pope someday. 'Co-pope' because two is better than one (and I think it was originally my friend Jessie's idea so I'll take what I can get) and 'someday' because I have better things to be doing right now.
So the idea came from Angels and Demons. Basically we realized that we both realllllllly want to have a job someday that involves wearing a kick-ass hat like the pope. To my knowledge, pope is the only job that allows such a thing. Thus, we have no choice but to become popes. Co-popes. Because revolutionizing Catholisism is what we are about.
Gay marriage? Yes.
Abortion? Yes.
Drinking? Yes.

You have been warned.

MY SOUL MATE WHAT WHAAAAAAT

MY SOUL MATE WILL:

• spell the word 'okay' out. (Not 'ok' or 'kk' or (the worst) 'k')
• love the movie Superstar.
• not be a musical prodegy but will also not be musically retarded. My Soul Mate will actually not be retarded at all.
• have white teeth and clean hair.
• be a liberal if not a socialist.
• go to IU?
• move to Miami with me. (NOTE: no question mark. This is a must.)

I GET IT

I totally understand why bloggers come off as so arrogant. It's because blogs are only done on the assumption that people are reading them. Sorry, but chances are no one is reading your blog. I know this is true about mine too, though, so don't think I'm an ignorant ass wipe. I'm actually a very clever ass wipe. Also maybe it's the fact that 'bloggers' comes up as misspelled in Spell Check. Dear Spell Check, What is the plural form of 'blogger'? Bolggi? Bloggia? Bloggeries? Blog loggers? Bloggercians? Simply, people who blog? Who knows. I think I have nothing else to say for now.
Later haters. Keep the hate up.

Andy Warhol: My New Best Friend

When most people hear the name Andy Warhol, they think of Campbell's Tomato Soup cans. This pisses me off. The following are quotes from Andy Warhol and each one is hilarious, insightful, and borderline sexy:

1. I breach what I preach more than I practice it. So true, Mr. Warhol. So true. I think everyone should know this. It's true about everyone so yeah. And it is just clever. I think I want to be just like him when I grow up.


2. I think I am missing some chemicals and that is why I have this tendency to be more of a-- mama's boy. A-- sissy. No, a mama's boy. "A butterboy." I think I'm missing some responsibility chemicals and some reproductive chemicals. If I had them I would probably think more about aging the right way and being married four times and having a family-- wives and children and dogs. I am immature but maybe something could happen to my chemicals and I could get mature. I could start getting wrinkles and start wearing my wings. Home run, Andy. Story of my life. No joke. Who wants to be tied down to women or children or dogs?! Not I. And it's not how I was brought up or the community I live in... it's my chemicals; I was born this way, I'm having a damn good time, and I'm happy. I wish I could meet him.


3. The best time for me is when I don't have any problems I can't buy my way out of. Straight up clever. What a role model for amazing persons like myself and anyone cool enough to read this blog (which is currently my ONE follower which is my mom who doesn't even blog... she made an account so she could follow mine. I think I have really made it in life.)


4. Cash. I am just not happy when I don't have it. The minute I have it I spend it. And I just buy STUPID THINGS. Amen- all I have to say.

As one can see, Andy Warhol was amazing. I would have voted for him for president and I think that's the biggest compliment you can give a person in this day and age.

Imagination?

I have never actually been completely drunk before but this is what I hope being drunk is like:

I hope all men start to resemble David Hasselhoff.

I hope all women start to resemble a combination or my sister's puppy and, well, David Hasselhoff.

I hope all of the colors are more beautiful than they are when they are sober. That way, when you throw up all over everything, it just smells bad and you don't realize you're ruining all of your shit untill the next day when you're hungover and cleaning your hot mess self up.

I hope cats are nicer when you're drunk. Cats kind of suck when I'm not drunk sooooo yeah...

I hope police men aren't total dicks to drunk people. I know that's pushing it, but I am going to be so worried about the wrath of my mother when I am drunk that I'm not going to want to worry about some stranger trying to get me to confess to all of the fun I was having.

I hope my friends are drunk too because I don't want to be the only one to get in trouble. Sorry, guys.

So, you know what's funny? I don't really plan on ever getting drunk. Yes, I am in high school and I'd be lying if I said I have never even gotten tipsy buuuut we will save that story for another time and I'll be done with this post.
Later, bitch tits.

Sigh

Really, I haven't even started yet and I'm already a hypocrite. I bad-talk bloggers and blogs like it's my job. I feel like people use them to say things they don't have the courage to say out loud, to complain only to later claim that they're simply voicing their opinion, and to think that maybe someone is addicted to their blog, anxiously awaits new posts, and may someday produce a movie loosely based on some of the better entries. I would like to go on record now and say that I do think what I have to say would make an above average movie. Also, I know if my mom finds out about this, she will email all of her friends about it and they will all anxiously await new installments. Oh well- can you blame them?
If I delete this blog after these first few posts, I'd like to formally apologize to anyone upset by that (but, uh, on the serious, get a life...).
I already can't think of anything else to say.
That is all for now.

Things about you that you should not share with people on the internets.

This is a list of things that no one should be saying on the internet. I'm sure you're expecting a list of the obvious things like 'Don't post your cell phone number or address' and 'Do not post any revealing pictures of yourself' but I actually encourage those things. Okay, well, not your address, but if I want your number it's easier to get it off your Facebook page, text you, and tell you that you gave it to me 'that one time...' than to actually ask you for it myself. And I can't imagine a better way to get to know someone than to see them in a picture wearing an unflatterring ensamble made of minimal cloth. No, this is a list of the embarrassing things that, if found in an 'About Me' section of any sort of social networking website, would make me not care to get to know you.

'I'm a very interesting person' First of all, if you ARE interesting, way to be a total dick about it. But, secondly, chances are that if you have to tell people that you're interesting, you're probably the only one who thinks that. This no-no is one that I have quite a personal experience with. I dated someone whose first line of the 'About Me' section on this person's Facebook page was 'I am a very interesting person.' I cannot say that that is a lie, though. I am still quite intrigued with how much of a lying, backstabbing bitch this 'very interesting' catch turned out to be.

'I love my friends' What kind of asshole halftard doesn't love his friends? I guess it's good to know that you don't hate your friends... I mean, I would like to know before befriending you if there are terrible perks to a friendship with you so I guess it's not completely ridiculous for you to verify that you are normal by telling me you love your friends... but really, I think it can just go without saying. Along those same lines- 'I can't live without music.' Yes, yes you can live without music. I play cello untill my fingers bleed. I love music but a break from the blood and blisters would be loverly.

(under 'Activities') 'Going to movies' Same principle as the loving your friends thing... who doesn't enjoy movies? Even people with no friends love movies.

Obsessions

My recent obsessions include the following:

Lesbians They're the shit. They are just the coolest people ever. Ever ever ever. I have never met a lesbian I didn't want to immediately high-five. I just click with them and I can't help it. I don't know if they are just generally cool people or if I just am lucky enough to know the best ones, but thus far, I'd say they're pretty much the universal sign for kick ass. Let me elaborate. If God's intention was for you to kick ass while you're alive, he'd make you a lesbian. That's just how it is. For this blog now tells you so.

Lunchables There is no such thing as a shitty Lunchable. And if you think there is, then you need to get your face out of your ass and eat the Lunchables from Earth- not the ones from your little planet of Mytongueisaconfuseddouchebag.

Computer Applications I actually started this blog in that class so of course I'm a fan. Also, I appreciate how the teacher of the class acknowledges that the class is a joke. I mean, we know how to use computers and if you're going to try to teach us, the don't do it on Microsoft Office 2003... o7 is out and 10 will be out shortly. You better step up your game, HSE Business and Technology Department.

More to come soon. Maybe.