Here I Am

I have betrayed you all. I am now an avid Tumblr user. My Tumblr url is www.alecalecalec.tumblr.com. Hope to see you all there.

THIS... is American Idol.

I'm pissed that Chavahn went home. I loved Shibbaan. I really did. So what if she over did the screaming thing?! No one else could do it at all so she kind of should have won. The part that really gets my gears a grindin' about this situation is that the judges' save should have gone to Cinna Bon. Using it on Big Mike was a Big Mike-stake. Chubbon was a performer, an artist, and, above all, a kick-ass question-answerer. Every single time Simon tried to give her crap for her song selection or style, she had an answer that was as eloquent as it was inspired and inspirational. And her answers were very inspired and inspirational. Shuppan's time on the American Idol stage was super short-lived. She never got a chance to sing like a Whitney Houstin song or that one song from Dream Girls about not going. Big Mike-stake, Aaron (the one who looks like he belongs on the Chinese Olympic team... seriously, he looks like he is five. Too young!), and Casey (you say Mr. Blue Eyes, I say TARZAN!!!!!!!!!) all need to go. Fer rulz.
AS

Vitamin Water: From Hero to Zero

FOREWORD: You should all buy Sarah Silverman's autobiography- The Bedwetter. It's inspirational. I'm not kidding.

Now, Vitamin Water has recently released Vitamin Water Zero onto the market. I think there is tobacco in it. Firstly, I drank five of them the other day and that wasn't enough to satisfy my thirst (addiction?!) and secondly, my dad said I had tobacco breath this morning and I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. So, I would like to go on the record and say that I think there is tobacco in Vitamin Water Zero.

Also, something about the amazing taste and absence of calories does not sit well with me. HOW DO THEY DO IT?! I mean, before there was Vitamin Water Zero and the world was subjected to 110 calories per serving of their nutrient-rich water (hey, so does it count as water if there are calories in it? I don't think so but whatever...), I was not questioning how they got all that flavor into my drink. But now that there are zero calories and the same really above-average taste, I'm questioning everything.

And one last thing: Why have scientists been working on making water taste this good and be healthy at the same time? DO THAT TO A MILKSHAKE, DUMBASSES! Better yet, which scientists think it's okay to take time off from the search from a cure for cancer? Hmm.

The Lonely Goatherd

The Sound of Music was an orgasm of a movie for the 1960s as well as for my childhood. To me, one of the most memorable scenes/musical numbers/ventriloquism masterpieces of all time, is The Lonely Goatherd. Those VonTrap spoiled pricks can sing AND masterfully manipulate puppets? If you're anything like me, you don't know half of the words to the song but 'yodel lay hee yodel lay hee hoo' -ing is satisfying enough by itself. I have to admit, though, that the puppet musicians, men drinking beer, and goatherd, all attributed to the rest of the movie being a serious upset for a five-year-old. And when I say 'serious upset' I mean the movie was serious and I was five and therefore it was an upset.

I vote for a remake starring Helena Bonham Carter as Maria and the Kardashians as the VonTraps.

Something old, something new...

Again, I just have to start off by mentioning how happy I am for my mom for finally (probably!!!) finding a job. Congratulations, Mom. I love you and you deserve it.

NOW!
Something old: my blog
Something new: my blog's layout.

While I have to hand it to myself (Hand what to whom? It to myself.) for making the color scheme of this new layout a great throw back to my old theme and just a cool scheme period, I am disappointed in the outcome. I thought I'd be able to change the layout and keep the color scheme but I was mistaken. Terribly mistaken. Not only can I not apply my old (much loved and missed) color scheme to this layout, I also cannot get my old color scheme back if I were to switch the layout back. I mean, I could if I really wanted to but who has the time for that? Not I, not I.

ALEC:)

Oh, and I'd like to apologize in advance for my liberal agenda! Sorry.

Dada

Dada is the best thing to ever happen to art. Art is only good if it is offensive. Beautiful art gets a second look but offensive art gets a second thought. Dada art was so offensive.

Where are you? No, like, really... where is everyone?

First of all my mom has a hot lead on a job. A hot lead? Did I make that up? Whatever. She could have herself a job very soon. Like, this Monday soon. I'm more excited than she is...

Secondly, Michele Palmer, you have stopped blogging and that's no good. I love your blog (and your obsession with Andy) and I miss it. So get back to work.

Third, if you move with music because you have been told to move with music, moving with the music is counterproductive. You have to feel it for yourself. If you sway with your instrument because you have been told to do so, then you will look like an idiot since the movements are not (I know this is tacky but I don't know how else to say it) from the heart and you will sound like an idiot as well since you are thinking about how you are moving and remembering to move so you don't get yelled at by someone and not letting the emotion of the music make your motions for you.

Fourth, the third nine weeks is a bitch.

Fifth, I really think I do have that seasonal effectiveness disorder thing! When there is more sun, I am happier. When there is less sun, my attitude about everything is just like Miley Cyrus and how she moves her hips. I'm just like 'Yeah...'

Sixth and last, I need comments. I hate when I don't get any comments. I love comments. And, like I said, I need them. If you don't comment, I don't write because I feel like I am just writing to myself. Yes, this invitation is extended to my mom's friends, as well. You will not embarrass me. And if you do, I'll just blog about it and make fun of you. (:

Later, lovers.

A Tale or Two, some Propositions and Observations, and an Announcement

I haven't blogged in awhile so hold onto your undergarments for the vacuum of kick ass I am about to deliver is sure to suck the rest of your clothing right off.

TALE ONE
ALEC: Did you know Obama smokes?
MOM: Yes. He isn't perfect. Close, but no cigar. Well...

PROPOSITION ONE
I think that women should, for one day every month (and without warning), make their husbands stay home and do all of the housework. This would result in the man questioning his masculinity and therefore everything else in his life. Women would get a clean house and men would get a day of reflection.

PROPOSITION TWO
One's IQ should be a factor in determining when one can receive one's drivers license.

OBSERVATION ONE
I hate Walgreens and I love CVS and I don't know why.

OBSERVATION TWO
I love declining friend requests. It's a natural high for me. It makes me feel powerful. Even better- removing someone from my friends list. If I decline your friend request then you were never good enough for me to begin with but if I remove you, HA!

TALE TWO
ALEC: Mallie, did you remember to...
MALLIE: No!!! Leave me alone about it.
ALEC: Fine, I'll write about it on my blog.
(MALLIE goes and does what I told her to do. And she rarely forgets to do it anymore.)

OBSERVATION THREE
I love it when people I don't like get bad hair cuts. Is that terrible?

PROPOSITION THREE
There should be eight days in a week. The number seven bugs me. And the number eight is so nice.

ANNOUNCEMENT
I will be running for president eventually.

A HAIKU (It's my blog, I'll do what I want, thanks. I know it wasn't in the title... get over it.)
Five syllables, shit!
How can I be profound? Meh...
I give up. Four. Five.

PROPOSITION FOUR
Flip flops should only be worn by males in cities with beach access. Mom, I'm moving to Miami now.

OBSERVATION FOUR
Most people consider families with 'too many children' to be families with one more child than they had whe they were growing up.

OBSERVATION FIVE
No great TV shows are on on Wednesdays.

OBSERVATION SIX
The only people that annoy me on Jeopardy! are the ones who look like they don't know that much but then they know, like, everything.

PROPOSITION FIVE
People shouldn't have to pay late fees. They should just not be able to get new things (whether it be from Blockbuster, you public library, or Rent-a-Center) untill they return what they think they need for an extra long time.

OBSERVATION SEVEN
I'm running out of ideas.

I'll bring sexy back tomorrow... I'm tired today.

ALEC!!!!!!! (:

The best and worst week ever.

This week has been amazing and terrible. Who knows why? Not me.

So, on Monday night, I had full orchestra rehearsal which is never fun but it wasn't THAT bad this week. Also on Monday, I had a sub in computer apps which is a waste-of-time class as it is... need I say more? Uninterrupted Text Twist for an entire hour. Can I get a what what?! WHAT WHAT?! Hmmmm... nothing else really happened on Monday. OH! Yes, something else did happen on Monday. We did a lab in chemistry and I was in a group with a bunch of smart girls and they saved my ass from failing that heat reaction measurement yield change shit.

On Tuesday my week picked up BIG TIME. This started when I walked in on a guy and a girl having sex in the guys bathroom during SMaRT period (which, uh, whoever decided SMaRT period was a good idea was kind of asking for something like this to happen if you ask me). You can't make that up... I mean, you could but you'd have to be really sick to make that up. Like, even sicker than I am. Okay, so I get in there and there is the couple in the handicapped stall (Okay, time out: imagine a special needs kid rolling into the bathroom on a power scooter only to find the handicapped stall occupied by two hormonal morons... Shoot. Maybe I would be sick enough to make something like that up.), a guy taking a dump in the middle stall, a guy pissing in a standy uppy toilet (I know what they're called, I just have no clue how to spell it, sorry.), and a guy checking his hair in the mirror by the door. So my thought bubble is like, 'They can't be having sex... they're just making out and they'll leave soon; they won't want to get caught and the tension and awkwardness in this restroom cannot allow for any sexual fun.' So my dumb ass goes to the open stall and pops a squat. I HAD TO POO! So anyway, I am sitting there and I hear, well, you can imagine it for yourself. So, just to make sure my presence is known, I cough. And this was a super fake cough. It was a cross between a hum and a 'Yooooo hoooo' kind of thing. I don't know why I thought my attempts to get their attention would be productive; if you're having sex in a bathroom at school, I think it's fair to assume that not much is going to stop you. So I get up to leave (without ever doing my business... ugh...) and on my way out, I look at the stall just to see if my ears are deceiving me and sure enough they were not. Sticking out from under the stall was a pink backpack. Idiots. Okay, so, believe it or not, this was only half of the excitement of Tuesday. Even better than this sex scandal (which is kind of worse than Carmel's, if I do say so myself) was my Jeopardy! test!!!!!!!! That bitch was fun. I had questions on all of my favorite topics. Words with certain letters in them. MTV shows. Chamber music. Just to name a few. I doubt I'll get a call back but it was hella fun. Then, when I was in bed on Tuesday night, I had a total melt down. I realized my mom has no job. I have known this for awhile but it's sinking in now. I realized I have no job. I realized I might not get into IU. I realized I don't trust enough people. I realized that there are good reasons for me to not trust many people. I was crying. It was not fun.

Okay so on to Hump Day. Worst day of orchestra of my life by a mile. I can't even really talk about it without saying things I shouldn't. Once the school year is over, though, I'll write a whole blog entry about all of my 'experiences' in orchestra this year. That entry will not be very funny. Oh. And I had a chemistry test and a pre calculus test on Wednesday and I was ready for none point none none percent of either of them. I got a B- on the chemistry test though so that's not bad, I guess...

And today is Thursday. It has to be good. I have a sub in computer apps again and he told us that if he catches us goofing off he will kill us. He is my new favorite sub. Also, Thursday night TV is the best. The Office, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, and The Sarah Silverman Program. I don't know what else you could ask for.

Tomorrow... who knows? No one knows. It'd be a waste of time to experience tomorrow if anyone knew what was going to happen.

I love you all.
And I mean that.
And I need you to love me too.
Thanks.

I Don't Care. Sometimes.

This is the story of a kid named Alec and his relationship(s?) with the world of blogging.
Once upon a time there was a kid named Alec. I would say 'there was a boy named Alec' but for some reason, that makes him sound too young. He is a boy, though. And he has a blog. His blog is called My Hips Do Lie. My Hips Do Lie has seven followers and almost sixty views. Alec, understandably, is quite happy with himself. Wouldn't you be happy too if people told you that things they read on your blog make them actually laugh out loud? Yes, you really would. Really.

Okay, on the serious, I do want to address some things before this blog gets out of hand or something. So here we go.

1. I love all of my friends. Just because I don't write about you doesn't mean you're not a favorite. You're probably just not that funny. Sorry.
2. I have no clue what 'My Hips Do Lie' means. Obviously the idea came from the Shakira song but I have no clue what that song means either. I have dishonest hips! What can I say?
3. No, I do not plan on discussing my love life on my blog. Chia Pets probably have better love lives than I do... I mean, there is just straight up not that much to write about in that department. And what there is, no one wants to hear about. Trust me.
4. No, I will never be pope. Yes it is very funny to joke about. No one should be offended. I'm not Catholic but the pope is a public figure. I am allowed to talk about him and his wardrobe... that's not off limits just because I don't practice what he preaches.
5. Sorry, but chances are I do not read your blog. I know, I know. That is TERRIBLE. But I can't stand reading blogs. People ramble too much. I'm not retarded, though. I know I do it too... it's just better when I do it. But fer surrusly, I love blogging and what it allows people to do so please don't think I'm an asshole and that I only blog for the attention... I blog because I like writing and because I do think I have some things to say that people should hear and this is a great, healthy, creative outlet through which I can easily express those things.
6. It is hard for me to write paragraphs. I know. Note all of my entries that are lists (Andy Warhol, Short Letters, this... just to name a few). Sorry, I'm trying to get better at paragraphs.

And the moral of this story is...

...I don't care if I have a legitimate moral. Sometimes.

Michele Palmer

Michele Palmer deservers a bit more than a Short Letter (you do rock, by the way).

Michele Palmer is the best friend I have ever had. She is always there for me... like, no joke, always.

Michele Palmer is the funniest person I know.

• Wanna hear a joke?...
• I hate my life...
• People change...

(just to name a few...)

Michele Palmer does the right thing as many times out of ten as anyone possible could. I tried to think of a bad decision she has made and I came up with nothing.

Michele Palmer is just so great. To know her is to love her.

Sorry Michele. You deserve a longer letter but I have to go watch American Idol. I know you understand how that is (:

Do you have any idea what's coming out of your mouth right now?

Oh, I didn't see you there. Well, hello. My name is Alec. Alec Steinmetz ;)
I am writing to you today because I have something to tell you. The thing I have to tell you is this- If I ever hear you, yes you ;), saying any of the folowing things ever ever ever ever again, I think it is safe to assume that your IQ is N/A (in a bad way).
1. THE SHIT What the hell? Since for when is anything to do with shit a good thing? Since for never. That's since for when.
2. I'M NOT GONNA LIE Thank you for the honesty but I kind of assumed you weren't going to lie to me...
3. I COULD CARE LESS Cool... go care less. I do think you mean to say that you COULDN'T care less, though...
4. THE VAST MAJORITY What? Was the regular majority not good enough for you? What's the difference between the vast majority and the regular majority anyway? Is the vast majority majoritier?
5. I had more but I forget them... oh well. Bye.

Future Olympiad

When I grow up, I want to travel the world. I feel at home when I am in the middle of a mass of people. I love being one in a million and I am really good at it too. Not standing out is one of my many talents; others include basic mathematics, intermediate mathematics, occasionally advanced mathematics, comical poetry (I just realized I haven't written any poems for this blog yet... soooo be ready for that), serious poetry (like, I'm really good at eulogies from what I hear), lawn mowing, breaking a sweat, and telling people they look good regardless of how they actually look. Pretty much anyone can be good at all of those things... so yeah, I'm one in a million but I'm nothing special; I'm just maybe a little better looking than most people.
ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!! I want to go to the Olympics. I could never be in them, I just want to go. And I want to go to all of the Olympics. That's how I'll chose where to vacation; I go where the world decides the Olympics will go. If it's good enough for the Olympics, it's good enough for me. London 2012, watch your ass.

Some Short Letters

Dear My Mom,
No, you do not need my Facebook email address and password to get on my Facebook account to see what I'm up to and who I'm friends with.
Love,
Alec

Dear My Sister,
You need to get over yourself. Just because a teacher compliments you doesn't mean you're the smartest kid in a class. It means you're either in a class with a bunch of halftards or you just need motivated.
Love,
Alec

Dear Krissy Hetland,
You're really cool.
Love,
Alec

Dear ppl who think its ok t2 spell like dis,
Its not ok 2 spell like dat.
luv
@!3(

Dear Hamilton 16 IMAX,
Thank you for not caring about anything. You know, like how old the children are who buy tickets to the R rated movies and all of the people who bring their own cups to get free drinks with.
Love,
Alec
PS Your prices are ridiculous.

Dear Lunchables,
What the hell do you do to your ham?
Love,
Alec

Dear Republicans,
Sorry.
Love,
Alec

Dear Old Women,
Why are you so short? It's kind of ridiculously adorable.
Love,
That Youngster

Dear The Olympics,
I don't really care where you occur so shut up about it.
Love, Alec

Dear Toyota,
How hard is it to make breaks? Really? And to screw up the breaks of the great people who drive hybrids!! What up with that? ):
Love,
Alec

Dear American Idol,
Kara needs to stop doing that thing with her nose when she likes someone. It's freaking me out.
Love,
The Next American Idol
PS I still love the show and Kara.

Dear My Gramma,
You live with us. Stop asking if there is anything you can do for us... we are not going to put you to work.
Love,
Might as well be Chris

Dear Mr. Wright (math teacher, not Nathan's dad),
Way to waste a lot of time like everyday.
Love,
Alec

Dear Nathan's Dad Mr. Wright,
You're really cool but not in the same way as Krissy. In a way you're cooler because of your job but it's not her fault that she can't have a job so whatever.
Love,
Alec

Dear America,
I don't know what to think anymore. Our president won the Nobel Peace Prize and you complained about it. What's your problem?
Love,
A Real-life Socialist
PS Sarah Palin! That 'hopey changey stuff' is going swimmingly if you ask me. So far Obama has done a superb job with not being a Republican so I can't complain.

Dear World,
I'll see you soon.
Love,
Alec

Kicking @$$

I think that kicking ass is the most important thing to do in life. You have to take what you're given and kick ass. You have to find what you love, work your ass off at it, and, at the end of the day, kick some ass at it. You can't take crap from people; if you do, you'll kick yourself in the ass about it. Let people know you mean business and kick some fuhhhriggin ass.
I LOVE YOU ALL.


@$$ (:

Formspring

So in case you have been dead for the last week or two, let me first take a minute to explain Formspring to you before I talk about how it is the worst thing ever. BASICALLY you get to anonymously ask anyone with a Formspring account any question you want. The anonymous part (unfortunately) totally works. You question is then sent to their inbox and then the person chooses if they want to answer it. If they do, it is posted on their profile. If they don't choose to answer the question then it is deleted and goes unanswered and unacknowledged.

As any perfectly self-disciplined and self-respecting individual would assume, Formspring is primarily used as an opportunity to be an anonymous asshole. Even I have found myself amazed by what I am willing to say to people on Formspring. I am not a cyber-bully (though, since those Chanel 1 commercials about cyber-bullying in junior high school, cyber-bully has been a title I have been anxiously waiting to earn), but I have said things to people that I would never say to them on Facebook and certainly would never even nightmare of saying to them in real life. I mostly just use Formspring to confess sexual interest in people. Which is terrible. I know. I'm going to Hell but oh well.

Letter to the innocent

Dear GirlIaccidentallyranintotodayatschool,
I am sooooooooooo sorry for running into you today! I don't know what I was thinking. Next time I am turning a corner, instead of not looking out for other people not looking out for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner, I will look for other people not looking for other people coming from the other direction around the same corner. How very inconsiderate it was of me to turn that corner at such a pase to get to my next class on time... I was going way too fast. I guess I am just a fast person, you know? I love running and speeding and just everything that has to do with going fast. And to think I interupted your conversation... I really do not know how I will be able to live with myself.
So so so so so so so sorry,
Alec Steinmetz

Popelicious

I think you should know that I will be co-pope someday. 'Co-pope' because two is better than one (and I think it was originally my friend Jessie's idea so I'll take what I can get) and 'someday' because I have better things to be doing right now.
So the idea came from Angels and Demons. Basically we realized that we both realllllllly want to have a job someday that involves wearing a kick-ass hat like the pope. To my knowledge, pope is the only job that allows such a thing. Thus, we have no choice but to become popes. Co-popes. Because revolutionizing Catholisism is what we are about.
Gay marriage? Yes.
Abortion? Yes.
Drinking? Yes.

You have been warned.

MY SOUL MATE WHAT WHAAAAAAT

MY SOUL MATE WILL:

• spell the word 'okay' out. (Not 'ok' or 'kk' or (the worst) 'k')
• love the movie Superstar.
• not be a musical prodegy but will also not be musically retarded. My Soul Mate will actually not be retarded at all.
• have white teeth and clean hair.
• be a liberal if not a socialist.
• go to IU?
• move to Miami with me. (NOTE: no question mark. This is a must.)

I GET IT

I totally understand why bloggers come off as so arrogant. It's because blogs are only done on the assumption that people are reading them. Sorry, but chances are no one is reading your blog. I know this is true about mine too, though, so don't think I'm an ignorant ass wipe. I'm actually a very clever ass wipe. Also maybe it's the fact that 'bloggers' comes up as misspelled in Spell Check. Dear Spell Check, What is the plural form of 'blogger'? Bolggi? Bloggia? Bloggeries? Blog loggers? Bloggercians? Simply, people who blog? Who knows. I think I have nothing else to say for now.
Later haters. Keep the hate up.

Andy Warhol: My New Best Friend

When most people hear the name Andy Warhol, they think of Campbell's Tomato Soup cans. This pisses me off. The following are quotes from Andy Warhol and each one is hilarious, insightful, and borderline sexy:

1. I breach what I preach more than I practice it. So true, Mr. Warhol. So true. I think everyone should know this. It's true about everyone so yeah. And it is just clever. I think I want to be just like him when I grow up.


2. I think I am missing some chemicals and that is why I have this tendency to be more of a-- mama's boy. A-- sissy. No, a mama's boy. "A butterboy." I think I'm missing some responsibility chemicals and some reproductive chemicals. If I had them I would probably think more about aging the right way and being married four times and having a family-- wives and children and dogs. I am immature but maybe something could happen to my chemicals and I could get mature. I could start getting wrinkles and start wearing my wings. Home run, Andy. Story of my life. No joke. Who wants to be tied down to women or children or dogs?! Not I. And it's not how I was brought up or the community I live in... it's my chemicals; I was born this way, I'm having a damn good time, and I'm happy. I wish I could meet him.


3. The best time for me is when I don't have any problems I can't buy my way out of. Straight up clever. What a role model for amazing persons like myself and anyone cool enough to read this blog (which is currently my ONE follower which is my mom who doesn't even blog... she made an account so she could follow mine. I think I have really made it in life.)


4. Cash. I am just not happy when I don't have it. The minute I have it I spend it. And I just buy STUPID THINGS. Amen- all I have to say.

As one can see, Andy Warhol was amazing. I would have voted for him for president and I think that's the biggest compliment you can give a person in this day and age.

Imagination?

I have never actually been completely drunk before but this is what I hope being drunk is like:

I hope all men start to resemble David Hasselhoff.

I hope all women start to resemble a combination or my sister's puppy and, well, David Hasselhoff.

I hope all of the colors are more beautiful than they are when they are sober. That way, when you throw up all over everything, it just smells bad and you don't realize you're ruining all of your shit untill the next day when you're hungover and cleaning your hot mess self up.

I hope cats are nicer when you're drunk. Cats kind of suck when I'm not drunk sooooo yeah...

I hope police men aren't total dicks to drunk people. I know that's pushing it, but I am going to be so worried about the wrath of my mother when I am drunk that I'm not going to want to worry about some stranger trying to get me to confess to all of the fun I was having.

I hope my friends are drunk too because I don't want to be the only one to get in trouble. Sorry, guys.

So, you know what's funny? I don't really plan on ever getting drunk. Yes, I am in high school and I'd be lying if I said I have never even gotten tipsy buuuut we will save that story for another time and I'll be done with this post.
Later, bitch tits.

Sigh

Really, I haven't even started yet and I'm already a hypocrite. I bad-talk bloggers and blogs like it's my job. I feel like people use them to say things they don't have the courage to say out loud, to complain only to later claim that they're simply voicing their opinion, and to think that maybe someone is addicted to their blog, anxiously awaits new posts, and may someday produce a movie loosely based on some of the better entries. I would like to go on record now and say that I do think what I have to say would make an above average movie. Also, I know if my mom finds out about this, she will email all of her friends about it and they will all anxiously await new installments. Oh well- can you blame them?
If I delete this blog after these first few posts, I'd like to formally apologize to anyone upset by that (but, uh, on the serious, get a life...).
I already can't think of anything else to say.
That is all for now.

Things about you that you should not share with people on the internets.

This is a list of things that no one should be saying on the internet. I'm sure you're expecting a list of the obvious things like 'Don't post your cell phone number or address' and 'Do not post any revealing pictures of yourself' but I actually encourage those things. Okay, well, not your address, but if I want your number it's easier to get it off your Facebook page, text you, and tell you that you gave it to me 'that one time...' than to actually ask you for it myself. And I can't imagine a better way to get to know someone than to see them in a picture wearing an unflatterring ensamble made of minimal cloth. No, this is a list of the embarrassing things that, if found in an 'About Me' section of any sort of social networking website, would make me not care to get to know you.

'I'm a very interesting person' First of all, if you ARE interesting, way to be a total dick about it. But, secondly, chances are that if you have to tell people that you're interesting, you're probably the only one who thinks that. This no-no is one that I have quite a personal experience with. I dated someone whose first line of the 'About Me' section on this person's Facebook page was 'I am a very interesting person.' I cannot say that that is a lie, though. I am still quite intrigued with how much of a lying, backstabbing bitch this 'very interesting' catch turned out to be.

'I love my friends' What kind of asshole halftard doesn't love his friends? I guess it's good to know that you don't hate your friends... I mean, I would like to know before befriending you if there are terrible perks to a friendship with you so I guess it's not completely ridiculous for you to verify that you are normal by telling me you love your friends... but really, I think it can just go without saying. Along those same lines- 'I can't live without music.' Yes, yes you can live without music. I play cello untill my fingers bleed. I love music but a break from the blood and blisters would be loverly.

(under 'Activities') 'Going to movies' Same principle as the loving your friends thing... who doesn't enjoy movies? Even people with no friends love movies.

Obsessions

My recent obsessions include the following:

Lesbians They're the shit. They are just the coolest people ever. Ever ever ever. I have never met a lesbian I didn't want to immediately high-five. I just click with them and I can't help it. I don't know if they are just generally cool people or if I just am lucky enough to know the best ones, but thus far, I'd say they're pretty much the universal sign for kick ass. Let me elaborate. If God's intention was for you to kick ass while you're alive, he'd make you a lesbian. That's just how it is. For this blog now tells you so.

Lunchables There is no such thing as a shitty Lunchable. And if you think there is, then you need to get your face out of your ass and eat the Lunchables from Earth- not the ones from your little planet of Mytongueisaconfuseddouchebag.

Computer Applications I actually started this blog in that class so of course I'm a fan. Also, I appreciate how the teacher of the class acknowledges that the class is a joke. I mean, we know how to use computers and if you're going to try to teach us, the don't do it on Microsoft Office 2003... o7 is out and 10 will be out shortly. You better step up your game, HSE Business and Technology Department.

More to come soon. Maybe.